Both parents and teens feel uncomfortable with "THE
TALK" kids like to make you think that they already
"know about that stuff" and you don't know where
to begin, especially if your choices as a teenager were
less than admirable. The truth is, parents, your children
need two things from you...love and limits in order to develop
a balanced attitude about life. They need you to talk to
them about sex, and growing up, and important choices. They
also need to know what behavior you find acceptable and
why. They need you to be parents.
Our children need to understand the issues involved in
sex and develop self-control to remain abstinent until marriage.
Who says? Our kids are saying this!
According to a nationwide study of 12,000
teenagers, our kids are less likely to engage in high risk
behaviors (including sexual behavior) when they have the
following:
1) A good relationship with their parents
2) Clear, strong, disapproval by parents for teen sexual
activity outside of marriage
3) Parental disapproval of their teens using contraceptives
4) Teens make a commitment for abstinence until marriage.
(This single pledge alone makes teens 3 times as likely
to remain abstinent!)
5) Involvement in church activities
Parents, how are you doing at encouraging #1 - #5? Do those
findings surprise you? They shouldn't because sexual behavior
is determined by values, not just knowledge about "the
facts of life". You need to give your children reliable
standards for good behavior.
"7th and 8th graders who have chosen not to engage
in intercourse say that the greatest influence on their
decision is the fact that it is against my values for me
to have sex while I'm a teenager"
- William J. Bennett, "Why Johnny Can't Abstain"
Here are some practical things you can
begin doing right now:
1) Begin by showing and telling your child that you love
him/her. Often a child will seek a sexual relationship with
another to fill the "love void" in his/her life
at home.
2) Be involved in your child's life. Know his/her strengths
and weaknesses; likes and dislikes. Spend time with your
teen.
3) If you have a teenager (7-12th grader) and you haven't'
talked to him/her about making a commitment for abstinence
until marriage, you need to do that now.
4) If you say something like: "We want you to wait
to have sex, but if you decide you want to have sex anyway,
then please use protection!"...here's how it sounds
to your teen: "We want you to wait to have sex, but
we know you probably won't make that choice. Since you're
going to be sexually active, we approve of that decision
as long as you use contraceptives or a condom". Do
you hear the mixed message? When you disapprove of your
teen using contraceptives, they know you're serious about
this abstinence pledge. They also are not receiving misleading
information from you-.that sex is safe if you use protection.
REACH has information about the risks involved with "safe
sex." Please click the Obtaining Information link on
the main menu to make an information request.
5) Do you want your children to have strong marriages? Then
teach children the relationship between sexual restraint
before marriage and sexual restraint within marriage. Abstinence
until marriage takes the same character quality of self-control
that fidelity within marriage takes. In fact, research shows
that virgins entering marriage are 50-70% less likely to
divorce than their non-virgin counterparts. (Journal of
Marriage and the Family Nov 1991)
6) Share with your children the unashamed pleasure of sex
that they can look forward to in their own marriages.
7) Talk to your teen about dating standards and help develop
boundaries in dating. Help your teen stress getting to know
the other person rather than establishing a dating environment
that makes it easy for physical gratification (click here
for dating boundaries).
9) Show them you care when they make unhealthy choices
10) Be a good example for your kids...
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